life with clubfoot-mama's point of view

it's so easy to go through the day not thinking my child has a disability. And then nighttime comes and we have to put his bnb on, or every 12 weeks we have to drive 4+ hours to his specialty doctor, or we have to be mindful of the type of shoes and socks we buy for him and i am quickly reminded that my child has clubfoot.

i think a lot of why i feel that way is because it's not something i feel like i can talk about. that, 'it's just clubfoot' and it's not a visible disability (anymore); it's not like my child has a deformity you can see. i don't even feel comfortable saying my child has a disability, because it's not something recognized by most states-or the general public-as a disability, and so it must not be one-right? but really, the awareness just isn't there. people don't understand clubfoot, and once the child's foot is fully corrected, they can't even tell there was a problem in the first place; so many people don't even know what clubfoot is! and while there are several groups and forums online that i participate in who share the same condition as joseph, locally i feel alone. there are only four families in my entire county with clubfoot and ours is one of them.

on the flip side, when joseph was in his casts for five weeks, then bnb 23/7 for three months, people asked me all sorts of questions (how did your baby break his leg? did you break it? *whispers* i bet she wasn't watching the baby and he rolled off the bed...) and often stared me down like i injured my child or something if they were too afraid to ask or whisper crap behind my back. i guess if anything, i'd rather his clubfoot not be visible than hearing all of that.

and i know; joseph could have it much worse, but just because he doesn't, that doesn't mean it's easy for us, or him. there are definitely some pretty 'normal' times, which make the hard times worth it, but i wish often that he wasn't born with clubfoot. and then i feel like a terrible mother for even thinking that because joseph is perfect. 

i'm sure we will reach a point where this will wash over us and we will have more and more 'normal' days. and really, i should just enjoy the time we're currently in while looking forward to total freedom from this.